Reflection

A close friend gave me an idea for a topic to blog about, but I have been staring at a computer screen for days not knowing which keys to press first. I knew writing about this would be cause for me to be slightly vulnerable and really put myself out there, but I have learned in order to truly be alive, we must dare greatly and not be afraid to be seen.

My friend asked me to talk about self confidence and my thoughts about how to build it up. The truth is I have never had much until this past year, and even now, it is still shaky. Then I thought that it might be even more powerful if I talked about that. I am not the person oozing with confidence telling all those who don't have it to just believe in themselves. I am one of you, too, but every day I am fighting to see what others claim to see in me.

That leads me to what I think is the first important step to take if you struggle with confidence: Find and surround yourself with people who see the real you and believe in all they see. For me, I was unable to just flip a switch and become self assured. However, I had people in my life who would tell me daily everything I needed to hear, and while I would often wave off their compliments and kind words, I eventually started to let some soak in. If you have multiple people telling you great things about yourself, it is not coincidence. Afford yourself the gift of truly listening and internalizing what they are saying to you. If you have the right people surrounding you, they wouldn't say anything to you that they don't mean. Fight the urge to push away compliments. There will come a time that you will look in the mirror and see what they see. The moments may be short lived, but it won't be long before those images stay longer and longer.

The last piece of advice that has helped me is to never say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to your best friend. What we tell ourselves is more powerful than anything anyone else could ever say to us. Make it a personal goal to be kind to yourself every day. Compliment yourself on your successes whether it be a good hair day, a step forward at work, or anything that you know others would see in a positive light, too. Wake up every morning and start your day with an "I am" statement. "I am ____________ ." What are you? What makes you so special in others' eyes? Don't be afraid to pat yourself on the back every once in a while. We must believe in ourselves because we deserve that.

You don't need to go around proclaiming you are the world's next great thing. No one likes that, but you have every right to believe in yourself and to see yourself the way others do. You are special. You are important. You are worthy, but most importantly, you are enough. This I promise you.

Go do great things,

EP

It is in You

Hi,

I apologize for not blogging lately. I've been writing a column for La Porte County Life, so much of my time has been devoted to that, but "Scatter Joy" is always on my mind. I am getting ready to go to bed, but there is something in my heart that I just want to get out onto a page.

What you need to become who you want and achieve what you dream of is already in you.

I have learned so much and changed a great deal this past year. I have found my purpose and passion and am daring to go after it. It is exciting, scary, and freeing all at the same time. Throughout this journey though, I have learned a lesson that was paramount for me not to just understand, but it was something I, and all of you, need to internalize. We already have greatness within us. We have within us strength and bravery. We have within us everything we need to be all we dream of. If that is not a powerful lesson, I don't know what is. 

Now, I had a person telling me this almost weekly. It was a constant reminder that has slowly trickled to an occasional one because I am finally starting to believe it. I want to be that for all of you who aren't as blessed as I have been. I want you to know that there is a world of greatness in you just waiting to be tapped into. I know the thought of going after something that may seem unattainable is frightening. I know the thought of putting yourself out there and allowing yourself to be seen can cause a great amount of anxiety, but I promise you those feelings are more than worth the feeling you will get of knowing your true worth.

Your path is already set and waiting for you to walk, jog, sprint, tumble, saunter, skip, or strut down. How you travel your path is your choosing (you'll find me skipping), but what matters is that you take the journey. If you need a weekly cheerleader like I had, send me your e-mail, and I will be that for you. Just, please, don't doubt who you are and what you can do. It's already in you.

Go do great things,

EP

My Truths

When I was a little girl, there were so many things I was sure were true. Then, as each year passed by, I found many of the truths to be faulty. Not everyone can be trusted. Not everyone will do the right thing. Not everyone will love and accept you. Time has made me wiser, and because of the incredible people in my life, I have found some truths that actually hold up to the tests and trials of life. I may be 26, but I feel like these are something we can all can hold on to no matter what age we are.

• Joy is most easily found in the little things that we often overlook or take for granted. 
• There are people in your life who will not disappoint or hurt you. Find them and hold them close.
• Your life will be as great as you make it. 
• Everyone has the ability to make a difference.
• We each have a purpose to fulfill in our lives. It is our job to figure out what that is and make it happen. 
• It's more important to be kind than right. 
• You'll never get what you want if you're unable to first be grateful for what you have. 
• We must rely on ourselves and not search for approval from everyone.
• Forgiveness is crucial in life. It is sets you free. 
• Most people aren't bad. They just make bad decisions. 
• We shouldn't be afraid of our light and ability to be great. Don't worry about what others will say about it. 
• If you care about people, let them know.

There is so much life I have left to live and so much yet to learn, but these truths serve as guiding posts for me. I know there is so much out there to achieve and do, but I am the only one who can go get it. The same rings true for all of you. Find your purpose and don't stop until you're doing it. Live your life.

Go do great things,

EP

People Person

Hi!

Sorry for my lack of posting lately. I have been busy moving and becoming an official adult, so much of my time has been devoted to unpacking and rearranging. It's been fun, but I have missed writing. :)

I love people so very much. I think each person who crosses our path is another opportunity to learn. Each person has a story and life different from our own with triumphs and tragedies that have shaped and molded him/her into who he/she is today. There is little I love more than sitting down with a person and asking questions to see who they really are. I have found that people are more than willing to open up if they can genuinely sense that you care and want to know about them. The life lessons that I have learned from my many conversations with others are invaluable to me.

I urge you to talk to as many people as you can so that you can learn as much as you can. I am made up of stories and advice passed on to me from so many others. I can make better decisions because of the lessons taught to me from former teachers or a chat with a random person in a store. Be open to others and what they can impart on you. Ask questions and actually listen. I promise you won't regret it.

Last month, I asked people to tell me their favorite quote so that I can start a quote wall in my classroom. The responses were astounding. I look at each quote given as a lesson that is important to each of the people who commented. I am going to leave you with the nuggets of advice given to me, and I sincerely hope you will join me in learning from the many people around us. If someone can make you better, let them.

Go do great things,

EP


"There is no try. There is only do." - Yoda  (Linda Arney)

"Be so good they can't ignore you"- Steve Martin (Casey Earl)

 “A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week.” - General Patton (Andrew Scherer)

"If you can imagine it, you can create it. If you can dream it, you can become it." - William Arthur Ward (Jordan Amor)

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." - Robert Frost (Jordan Amor)

"Don't be afraid to give up the good and go for the great." -Steve Prefontaine (Jessica Parker)

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." - George Bernard Shaw (Sammi Cains)

"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines." Ralph Waldo Emerson  (Woz)

"Being in charge is like being a gentleman; if you have to tell someone you are, you aren't." (Dan Olson)

"There are three ways to ultimate success: The first way is to be kind. The second way is to be kind. The third way is to be kind." -Mr Rogers (Katie Carpenter)

 “Give me a stock clerk with a goal, and I will give you a man who will make history. Give me a man without a goal, and I will give you a stock clerk.”  –J.C. Penny (Dan Bealor)

“It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.” –E.E. Cummings (Dan Bealor)

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle.” - Steve Jobs (Kylie Larson)

"When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps." -Confucius (Michelle Mussman)

"You're never too old, too wacky, too wild to pick up a book and read to a child." -Dr. Seuss (Pam Fritzen)

"The only time to look down on people is when you're bending over to help." (Elaine Luedtke)

"You can accomplish anything you want as long as you don't care who gets the credit for it." - Blanton Collier (Mark Schreiber)

 “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” -Maya Angelou (Gina Alber)

"Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." - Albert Schweitzer (Justin Holmquest)

"Your life has purpose. Your story is important. Your dreams count. Your voice matters. You were born to make an impact." (Shannon Wilkins)

Perfect Shermfect

I previously mentioned the book I just finished reading, The Gifts of Imperfections by Brene Brown, and how there were two sections that are covered in highlighter. I already talked about being authentic, but today I am going to try to tackle being a perfectionist, which is something I have struggled with my whole life. It has, at times, been crippling, and this book has helped me realize that this is an idea I need to let go of.

"Healthy striving is self focused--How can I improve? Perfectionism is other-focused--What will they think?"

I came to this line and had one of my Oprah "ah ha" moments. For so long I had been under the impression that my perfectionist personality was just about me demanding the absolute best of myself. I would beat myself up for the smallest errors or not receiving a perfect score. It became a vicious cycle because any little error meant "I wasn't perfect enough." It just went on and on.  I wasn't doing this for me. I was doing this for everyone else. I was trying to make everyone else believe that I was perfectly smart, kind, capable, and worthy. I was trying to avoid judgement and being blamed for anything going wrong. My perfectionism led to a great deal anxiety, self worth issues, and exhaustion. Not only this, my perfectionist attitude stopped me from doing some things out of a fear I wouldn't be good enough at it.

I think many of you who will read this can relate, so I am proposing that we shed the perfectionist mentality and work on becoming healthy strivers. We should always work to do our best. I refuse to do anything that I won't give my all to; that's a waste of time. However, we should learn to accept that our best is good enough because it is. Strive for more because that's what you want. Don't do it so that others will have a certain perception of you. It's more important how you feel about yourself. We all have to learn to become our own best friends. If you wouldn't say something to your best friend, don't say it to yourself. Be kind to you. As Brown wrote, "We're all doing the best we can."

If we are all doing the best we can, I'd like to add how important it is to watch the pressure we put on others, especially kids. Too often I see students who cannot function if they do not receive a perfect score. They have complete meltdowns and rip themselves apart. This idea of healthy striving is exponentially important to instill in young adults. They need to learn that one point or letter grade will not ruin them or the way that people view them. One of the greatest things to ever happen to me was during my junior year of high school. J.Hunt was helping me schedule my classes for the next year. I had received my first B+ and was mortified; I was equally embarrassed that she would see it on my transcript and realize that I wasn't perfect. After making my plea that I should have received an "A" and essentially "hustling" for my worthiness, J.Hunt looked at me and said, "Don't worry about one 'B.' It adds character. You're still great." I will never forget that as long as I live. We have to be quick to help kids realize that mistakes or even less than perfect is okay; in fact, that's life. Don't ridicule or ruin a kid's self worth over one tiny miscue.

So, here it is: I am not perfect nor will I ever be. I am going to go out and be the best me that I can be, and for the first time in my life, I am going to be proud of it. You all deserve the same. Join Team Healthy Strivers. It will be perfect...just kidding.

Go do your best,

EP

Adjust Your Expectations

Summer is giving me much more time to write, which is making me quite happy. I was thinking today about the friends who I have lost in my life and why it all happened. At the time, of course, I only wanted to take a small chunk of the blame, but a reality check reminds me that I deserve more of the blame than originally thought.

"Sometimes we expect more from others because we'd be willing to do that for them." I love this quote, but it has led to the demise of friendships that were important. My advice today is to adjust your expectations of those you care about.

I think we can all admit our guilt of expecting others to behave in a certain way because that's what we would do, but, ultimately, that is not fair. "I expect/need more from you." How many of you have said this? I know I have. We fault the other person for not giving us what we want or need without questioning whether or not the person was in fact giving all he/she could. This leads to them screaming, "I'm giving all I can," and we are left shouting back, "That's not enough." But, why is all they can give not enough? We have to adjust our expectations. Adjusting doesn't mean accepting less than we deserve. If what the other person is giving is not enough for you, walk away, but stop being so hard on them.

I heard once that some people are pints and others are liters. The people who are liters expect everyone else to be the same. Liters give so much and feel slighted when they only receive pints back in return. There has to come a time when liters realize that not everyone has the giving capabilities as they do. I am a liter, and I have felt this way more times than I care to remember. I lost a friend who was very important to me. I was constantly hurt because I thought I was giving way more than I was receiving. I needed to learn and adjust my expectations of her. It would have made for a much easier time in my life.

Don't expect less for yourself, but adjust your expectations of people if they are not set accurately. Use those expectations to gauge how you will act and react to people. Don't set yourself up for a revolving door of hurt and resentment. :)

Go do great things,

EP

Authentically YOU

I just had a fantastic weekend of reading the book The Gift of Imperfections by Brene Brown, and I told myself that I would blog about the topic that I found myself highlighting the most. Two parts of the book are covered in yellow: living an authentic life and fighting perfectionism. Tonight, I will hit authenticity.

"To be nobody-but-yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody but yourself--means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight--and never stop fighting." E.E. Cummings

Being authentic--our real selves--is completely terrifying. We basically are stepping on a stage and saying, "Here I am...every piece of me." By doing this, we open ourselves up to being judged, criticized, and even accepted, but either way we are exposed. This is one of the most courageous acts I think any of us can do. It takes strength to stand up and be exactly who you are and let go of what others will say about you.

It's imperative that we all let go of what other people think. Taking a few hits is much better than sacrificing who we are. Don't hold back your ideas at a meeting because you are afraid of what others will say. Speak your opinions in a group. Contribute when you feel compelled. Holding all of this in will only hurt you in the end because it leaves you feeling like you aren't worthy of being heard, and you are. As Brene says, "Don't shrink." Stand tall and be you.

Our goal should never be to be accepted or to be liked by everyone. It just will never happen. Our goal should be to always show up and be real. People who love you and deserve to be in your life will accept you for your strengths AND your imperfections. This world is filled with too many people trying to appease others or be what everyone else wants. I learned this is the quickest way to crush any self worth you may have. Nothing is greater, no matter how scary, than to show up and be you because you are special and worthy of being seen.

Go do great things,

EP