I previously mentioned the book I just finished reading, The Gifts of Imperfections by Brene Brown, and how there were two sections that are covered in highlighter. I already talked about being authentic, but today I am going to try to tackle being a perfectionist, which is something I have struggled with my whole life. It has, at times, been crippling, and this book has helped me realize that this is an idea I need to let go of.
"Healthy striving is self focused--How can I improve? Perfectionism is other-focused--What will they think?"
I came to this line and had one of my Oprah "ah ha" moments. For so long I had been under the impression that my perfectionist personality was just about me demanding the absolute best of myself. I would beat myself up for the smallest errors or not receiving a perfect score. It became a vicious cycle because any little error meant "I wasn't perfect enough." It just went on and on. I wasn't doing this for me. I was doing this for everyone else. I was trying to make everyone else believe that I was perfectly smart, kind, capable, and worthy. I was trying to avoid judgement and being blamed for anything going wrong. My perfectionism led to a great deal anxiety, self worth issues, and exhaustion. Not only this, my perfectionist attitude stopped me from doing some things out of a fear I wouldn't be good enough at it.
I think many of you who will read this can relate, so I am proposing that we shed the perfectionist mentality and work on becoming healthy strivers. We should always work to do our best. I refuse to do anything that I won't give my all to; that's a waste of time. However, we should learn to accept that our best is good enough because it is. Strive for more because that's what you want. Don't do it so that others will have a certain perception of you. It's more important how you feel about yourself. We all have to learn to become our own best friends. If you wouldn't say something to your best friend, don't say it to yourself. Be kind to you. As Brown wrote, "We're all doing the best we can."
If we are all doing the best we can, I'd like to add how important it is to watch the pressure we put on others, especially kids. Too often I see students who cannot function if they do not receive a perfect score. They have complete meltdowns and rip themselves apart. This idea of healthy striving is exponentially important to instill in young adults. They need to learn that one point or letter grade will not ruin them or the way that people view them. One of the greatest things to ever happen to me was during my junior year of high school. J.Hunt was helping me schedule my classes for the next year. I had received my first B+ and was mortified; I was equally embarrassed that she would see it on my transcript and realize that I wasn't perfect. After making my plea that I should have received an "A" and essentially "hustling" for my worthiness, J.Hunt looked at me and said, "Don't worry about one 'B.' It adds character. You're still great." I will never forget that as long as I live. We have to be quick to help kids realize that mistakes or even less than perfect is okay; in fact, that's life. Don't ridicule or ruin a kid's self worth over one tiny miscue.
So, here it is: I am not perfect nor will I ever be. I am going to go out and be the best me that I can be, and for the first time in my life, I am going to be proud of it. You all deserve the same. Join Team Healthy Strivers. It will be perfect...just kidding.
Go do your best,
EP
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Monday, June 17, 2013
Adjust Your Expectations
Summer is giving me much more time to write, which is making me quite happy. I was thinking today about the friends who I have lost in my life and why it all happened. At the time, of course, I only wanted to take a small chunk of the blame, but a reality check reminds me that I deserve more of the blame than originally thought.
"Sometimes we expect more from others because we'd be willing to do that for them." I love this quote, but it has led to the demise of friendships that were important. My advice today is to adjust your expectations of those you care about.
I think we can all admit our guilt of expecting others to behave in a certain way because that's what we would do, but, ultimately, that is not fair. "I expect/need more from you." How many of you have said this? I know I have. We fault the other person for not giving us what we want or need without questioning whether or not the person was in fact giving all he/she could. This leads to them screaming, "I'm giving all I can," and we are left shouting back, "That's not enough." But, why is all they can give not enough? We have to adjust our expectations. Adjusting doesn't mean accepting less than we deserve. If what the other person is giving is not enough for you, walk away, but stop being so hard on them.
I heard once that some people are pints and others are liters. The people who are liters expect everyone else to be the same. Liters give so much and feel slighted when they only receive pints back in return. There has to come a time when liters realize that not everyone has the giving capabilities as they do. I am a liter, and I have felt this way more times than I care to remember. I lost a friend who was very important to me. I was constantly hurt because I thought I was giving way more than I was receiving. I needed to learn and adjust my expectations of her. It would have made for a much easier time in my life.
Don't expect less for yourself, but adjust your expectations of people if they are not set accurately. Use those expectations to gauge how you will act and react to people. Don't set yourself up for a revolving door of hurt and resentment. :)
Go do great things,
EP
"Sometimes we expect more from others because we'd be willing to do that for them." I love this quote, but it has led to the demise of friendships that were important. My advice today is to adjust your expectations of those you care about.
I think we can all admit our guilt of expecting others to behave in a certain way because that's what we would do, but, ultimately, that is not fair. "I expect/need more from you." How many of you have said this? I know I have. We fault the other person for not giving us what we want or need without questioning whether or not the person was in fact giving all he/she could. This leads to them screaming, "I'm giving all I can," and we are left shouting back, "That's not enough." But, why is all they can give not enough? We have to adjust our expectations. Adjusting doesn't mean accepting less than we deserve. If what the other person is giving is not enough for you, walk away, but stop being so hard on them.
I heard once that some people are pints and others are liters. The people who are liters expect everyone else to be the same. Liters give so much and feel slighted when they only receive pints back in return. There has to come a time when liters realize that not everyone has the giving capabilities as they do. I am a liter, and I have felt this way more times than I care to remember. I lost a friend who was very important to me. I was constantly hurt because I thought I was giving way more than I was receiving. I needed to learn and adjust my expectations of her. It would have made for a much easier time in my life.
Don't expect less for yourself, but adjust your expectations of people if they are not set accurately. Use those expectations to gauge how you will act and react to people. Don't set yourself up for a revolving door of hurt and resentment. :)
Go do great things,
EP
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Authentically YOU
I just had a fantastic weekend of reading the book The Gift of Imperfections by Brene Brown, and I told myself that I would blog about the topic that I found myself highlighting the most. Two parts of the book are covered in yellow: living an authentic life and fighting perfectionism. Tonight, I will hit authenticity.
"To be nobody-but-yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody but yourself--means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight--and never stop fighting." E.E. Cummings
Being authentic--our real selves--is completely terrifying. We basically are stepping on a stage and saying, "Here I am...every piece of me." By doing this, we open ourselves up to being judged, criticized, and even accepted, but either way we are exposed. This is one of the most courageous acts I think any of us can do. It takes strength to stand up and be exactly who you are and let go of what others will say about you.
It's imperative that we all let go of what other people think. Taking a few hits is much better than sacrificing who we are. Don't hold back your ideas at a meeting because you are afraid of what others will say. Speak your opinions in a group. Contribute when you feel compelled. Holding all of this in will only hurt you in the end because it leaves you feeling like you aren't worthy of being heard, and you are. As Brene says, "Don't shrink." Stand tall and be you.
Our goal should never be to be accepted or to be liked by everyone. It just will never happen. Our goal should be to always show up and be real. People who love you and deserve to be in your life will accept you for your strengths AND your imperfections. This world is filled with too many people trying to appease others or be what everyone else wants. I learned this is the quickest way to crush any self worth you may have. Nothing is greater, no matter how scary, than to show up and be you because you are special and worthy of being seen.
Go do great things,
EP
"To be nobody-but-yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody but yourself--means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight--and never stop fighting." E.E. Cummings
Being authentic--our real selves--is completely terrifying. We basically are stepping on a stage and saying, "Here I am...every piece of me." By doing this, we open ourselves up to being judged, criticized, and even accepted, but either way we are exposed. This is one of the most courageous acts I think any of us can do. It takes strength to stand up and be exactly who you are and let go of what others will say about you.
It's imperative that we all let go of what other people think. Taking a few hits is much better than sacrificing who we are. Don't hold back your ideas at a meeting because you are afraid of what others will say. Speak your opinions in a group. Contribute when you feel compelled. Holding all of this in will only hurt you in the end because it leaves you feeling like you aren't worthy of being heard, and you are. As Brene says, "Don't shrink." Stand tall and be you.
Our goal should never be to be accepted or to be liked by everyone. It just will never happen. Our goal should be to always show up and be real. People who love you and deserve to be in your life will accept you for your strengths AND your imperfections. This world is filled with too many people trying to appease others or be what everyone else wants. I learned this is the quickest way to crush any self worth you may have. Nothing is greater, no matter how scary, than to show up and be you because you are special and worthy of being seen.
Go do great things,
EP
Thursday, June 13, 2013
1st Place: Nice Guy / Last Place: Mean Guy
It's time for me to ruin the absurd perception that has been told for too long. Nice people do not finish last. In fact, I am finding the exact opposite to be true. Nice people finish way ahead of any and all competition.
The mere idea that one has to be mean or cut throat to get anywhere in life is asinine. All that does is burn bridges and shatter respect. Being rude, vindictive, or constantly out for blood will rarely lead to a life of glory and prosperity. Hard work and a passion for one's job and life are the only sure-fire ways to ensure success. We all need to start hammering this home to the youth of our country now. We need to stop telling them that they only way to get ahead is by stepping on others. Too many young people think that being kind, empathetic, and helpful are signs of weakness, especially in the workplace. This is not only detrimental to our future but dangerous as well. One does not have to be closed off, feared, or conniving to be a leader. That is no leader at all.
Here is what I do know. People respect others who give respect in return. People notice others who can productively collaborate. People appreciate others who actively listen and consider ideas other than their own. People admire others who take the time to help. People follow others who lead by example and with the acceptance for new and creative ideas. This, my friends, is the nice person. This is the person who finishes first because not only does she work hard, but she has a group around her that wants to work hard with her and for her. This is the nice person who climbs the ladder because she has earned the opportunity to scale each rung and not at the expense of another person.
I apologize if I have spoiled one of life's oldest myths. The truth is in all of life's competitions (work, relationships, fulfillment, etc) the nice person will always cross the line first. Being kind, empathetic, and helpful will never be signs of weakness. The will always ALWAYS be the truest signs of strength and lead to a win.
Go do great things,
EP
The mere idea that one has to be mean or cut throat to get anywhere in life is asinine. All that does is burn bridges and shatter respect. Being rude, vindictive, or constantly out for blood will rarely lead to a life of glory and prosperity. Hard work and a passion for one's job and life are the only sure-fire ways to ensure success. We all need to start hammering this home to the youth of our country now. We need to stop telling them that they only way to get ahead is by stepping on others. Too many young people think that being kind, empathetic, and helpful are signs of weakness, especially in the workplace. This is not only detrimental to our future but dangerous as well. One does not have to be closed off, feared, or conniving to be a leader. That is no leader at all.
Here is what I do know. People respect others who give respect in return. People notice others who can productively collaborate. People appreciate others who actively listen and consider ideas other than their own. People admire others who take the time to help. People follow others who lead by example and with the acceptance for new and creative ideas. This, my friends, is the nice person. This is the person who finishes first because not only does she work hard, but she has a group around her that wants to work hard with her and for her. This is the nice person who climbs the ladder because she has earned the opportunity to scale each rung and not at the expense of another person.
I apologize if I have spoiled one of life's oldest myths. The truth is in all of life's competitions (work, relationships, fulfillment, etc) the nice person will always cross the line first. Being kind, empathetic, and helpful will never be signs of weakness. The will always ALWAYS be the truest signs of strength and lead to a win.
Go do great things,
EP
Sunday, June 9, 2013
"Good is the Enemy of Great."
It is agonizingly easy to do what is safe or comfortable. We've all done it and can't fault others for doing it either. We become okay with things being "good" because that's all we know. It's easy to show up at work and do the things that have been done for the last 20 years. We know what it takes to manage the status quo, but what if...
What if we tried something new to move from good to great? Life, I believe, was not destined to just be good. Life was meant to be fantastic. We must strive for that in every aspect of our lives. Be willing to shed the comfortable feeling and complacency because you deserve more. I truly feel the fear of living a life full of regrets should outweigh the fear of taking the first unknown step towards something greater than you could imagine.
What we must always remember is that failure is a part of striving for greatness. I wouldn't even consider it as failure either. It is just a path you have found that doesn't work. Greatness is hard to achieve; if it wasn't we'd all have it. It takes time, effort, belief, dedication, and unwavering desire to get what you want. Keep changing and fixing your efforts until you reach where you want to go. Don't give up because it will be worth it.
An incredible friend and mentor told me that good is the enemy of great. How true. Fight the urge to settle because each one of us have it within us to be great at whatever is important to us. It is always the things you don't do that you'll regret. If you don't live up to your potential, it will weigh on you for the rest of your life. Be great because you can.
Go do great things,
EP
What if we tried something new to move from good to great? Life, I believe, was not destined to just be good. Life was meant to be fantastic. We must strive for that in every aspect of our lives. Be willing to shed the comfortable feeling and complacency because you deserve more. I truly feel the fear of living a life full of regrets should outweigh the fear of taking the first unknown step towards something greater than you could imagine.
What we must always remember is that failure is a part of striving for greatness. I wouldn't even consider it as failure either. It is just a path you have found that doesn't work. Greatness is hard to achieve; if it wasn't we'd all have it. It takes time, effort, belief, dedication, and unwavering desire to get what you want. Keep changing and fixing your efforts until you reach where you want to go. Don't give up because it will be worth it.
An incredible friend and mentor told me that good is the enemy of great. How true. Fight the urge to settle because each one of us have it within us to be great at whatever is important to us. It is always the things you don't do that you'll regret. If you don't live up to your potential, it will weigh on you for the rest of your life. Be great because you can.
Go do great things,
EP
Friday, June 7, 2013
Every Monday Matters
Hi, everyone!
I hope this post finds you well and enjoying this beautiful spring day. I have a proposition for all of you that I am hoping you will not refuse. I think you all will find it worth your time and effort. Let me explain what I have in mind.
My wonderful friend Angela Saoud bought me a book called Every Monday Matters: 52 ways to make a difference. Needless to say, I was beyond thrilled to dig into the book. What I love the most is that the ways to make a difference are easy. Too often people don't want to try to make a difference out of an irrational fear that it is too difficult or will take too much time. This couldn't be further from the truth. It is our duty to leave a positive, lasting impact. We should want to be remembered for the good we put into the world. We need to stop taking and start giving. (Is that a line from a Michael Jackson song?)
Because of this, I want you to join me in making a difference. The book gives a list of 52 ways to make a positive impact, and that's what I am planning on doing. Each week I am going to post one of the tasks. It is our job to go out and make it happen. :) Imagine what a positive change we could create if we all just took a small amount of time out of our week and accomplished one small task on the list. To me, it is exciting and inspiring. Positivity breeds more positivity. Let's work to make this a better place for ourselves and younger generations to grow up in. It takes one person to start a ripple.
This leads me to my question. Are you in?
Let's go do great things!
BT (Officially need a new name. I am a 4th year teacher now!!)
I hope this post finds you well and enjoying this beautiful spring day. I have a proposition for all of you that I am hoping you will not refuse. I think you all will find it worth your time and effort. Let me explain what I have in mind.
My wonderful friend Angela Saoud bought me a book called Every Monday Matters: 52 ways to make a difference. Needless to say, I was beyond thrilled to dig into the book. What I love the most is that the ways to make a difference are easy. Too often people don't want to try to make a difference out of an irrational fear that it is too difficult or will take too much time. This couldn't be further from the truth. It is our duty to leave a positive, lasting impact. We should want to be remembered for the good we put into the world. We need to stop taking and start giving. (Is that a line from a Michael Jackson song?)
Because of this, I want you to join me in making a difference. The book gives a list of 52 ways to make a positive impact, and that's what I am planning on doing. Each week I am going to post one of the tasks. It is our job to go out and make it happen. :) Imagine what a positive change we could create if we all just took a small amount of time out of our week and accomplished one small task on the list. To me, it is exciting and inspiring. Positivity breeds more positivity. Let's work to make this a better place for ourselves and younger generations to grow up in. It takes one person to start a ripple.
This leads me to my question. Are you in?
Let's go do great things!
BT (Officially need a new name. I am a 4th year teacher now!!)
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Precious Life
I heard teachers talk before about former students passing away, and I always hoped and prayed that the day would never come when I would have to hear of the loss of a student. It happened today, and it has completely knocked the wind out of my sails. My heart goes out to his family, especially his parents, because he was an incredibly special young man. I will never forget him for as long as I live.
There is something about a kid losing his/her life that makes us all feel vulnerable. Too often we walk around as though we are invincible and think we have an infinite amount of time left on Earth; however, the death of a young one halts that perception quickly. The next day is never a given. As much as we want it to be, it isn't.
It is days like today that remind everyone what is truly important and what is not. We remember that the petty drama in our lives should be tossed aside because it isn't worth our time or energy. We need focus on what is truly important to us, what makes us come alive. We need to make sure the people we love know it because I truly feel that is what is paramount in life: the connections we make with others. It isn't about money or material items. It isn't about status or rank. It is about the people in your life who love you...truly love you...and are there for you through everything.
Live every day with purpose. Set out to make every day you have great, and never settle for okay. There is a young man in heaven right now who had great written all over him. He made me laugh. He made me proud. I know I will carry a little piece of him for the rest of my life. When life gets "too hard," I'll remember him. When I feel sorry for myself, I'll remember him. No matter what, I'll remember him. Life is precious. We need to be kinder than necessary, grateful for everything, let those we care about know it, and live with purpose and passion.
RIP, Web.
Go do great things,
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Class of 2013 (And Everyone Else, too)
Today, the LPHS Class of 2013 takes their final bow. It's such an exciting time for them, and I was thinking what I wish I would have been told when I was in their shoes. Today's post will be my advice to them and to all of you, and yes, I did hear this quote from Oprah.
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” -Howard Thurman
The world doesn't need people who are concerned about doing what they feel others want them to do. That is helping no one. The world needs people who honor and embrace their purpose in life. It is your purpose that makes you come alive and ignites every ounce of you. It is then when you function as your best and highest self. You work harder, you smile bigger, you think more, and you imagine ideas that can make a change. Finding your purpose constantly challenges you to grow as a person and keeps you out of the "rut" of life. Finding your purpose makes the alarm clock bearable and, in fact, welcomed because there is much to be accomplished. Finding what ignites you and chasing after it takes courage, but the reward is well worth it.
Besides the individual perks that finding your purpose brings, you are helping the world. That may seem exaggerated to some, but it is true. Living an inspired life frees others. It encourages others to go after what ignites them because they see the happiness it brings. It creates a ripple effect that knows no end. Imagine a majority of the world doing what they were put here to do. That's what the world needs. The world needs inspired people who are working not just for a paycheck but because they are passionate about what they are doing.
Ask yourself, "What makes me come alive?" You owe it to yourself to at least try. It may not become a profession. It could just be a hobby. It has to be a part of you though. You were put here for a specific reason, and it is your job to figure it out. If you're passionate about photography, pick up a camera. If you are inspired when you're writing curriculum or developing plans for kids, work your way to it. It's not about what the world needs because, if you're doing what you're supposed to and doing what makes you come alive, you're already doing exactly is needed.
Go find your purpose,
BT
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